My arrogance is my complete inability to accept that in my previous life I may have been an individual like Hitler or Stalin. I am too arrogant to accept that I was one of these monsters in my last life and that in this lifetime I am getting punished for it.
Can you imagine the kind of karma that someone like Hitler might have? If I had been Hitler in my last life, can you even imagine what I would have to go through in this life? Can you even imagine the kind of life that someone like Hitler would have in this world today if he was reborn? Why am I so convinced that I couldn't be him?
If Hitler had to suffer for the karma of his actions, what would that be like? I would be slapped around every corner. I would be hated by everyone. That would be some pretty deadly karma. No one wants to identify themselves as being a reincarnation of a Hitler or a Stalin. Everyone wants to be the reincarnation of the Buddha.
I have suffered enough in my life to believe that I might be the reincarnation of Hitler or Stalin. Does that sound melodramatic? Does it sound like an exaggeration? Seriously. I see very serious parallels in my life between this Kaliyan character and my life.
I am desperately trying to find a way to justify the suffering that has been mine in this lifetime.
Why is it so unbelievable to believe that I am a reincarnation of Hitler? I'm not proud to have had such a life in my previous life.
It would be shameful to have lived such a life. But what if you were arrogant enough to not feel the shame of living such a life? Hitler was not ashamed to be himself.
Though I have not hurt people the way Hitler has, I am shameless in my own way. I have hurt people I didn't mean to. I have blamed people when it was really my fault. I couldn't accept my own karma and I have spent a lot of the energy of my life in blaming other people for what was really my karma. I have not even apologized to many of these people.
Even today, I feel no shame in neglecting my duties. I feel no shame in living off of others. I feel no shame in not taking care of what I own. I feel no shame in not using my talents to help others. I am shameless. And I feel no shame about being shameless. I should be chained, beaten and whipped. But even that wouldn't be completely adequate for me.
I am shameless. I don't serve Krishna. I don't feel any desire to love or play with Him. I am shameless.
I will show a smiley face as if to say that I am a good person and I deserve to be looked up by you. But in fact I am truly shameless.
And I feel no shame in not doing the things that I should. I feel no shame about not living my truth. I feel no shame in not living the things that I believe in. And I still feel that the world should respect me.
I'm just a bitter person who can't accept that the suffering of my life was a result of my own karma. My arrogance in this life is such that I refuse to believe that I could have been a Hitler or Stalin in my last life. Such is my great arrogance. Why do I have such a superiority complex that I believe that I couldn't have been one of these two monsters in my last life?
Why am I 100% sure that there is no way in hell that I couldn't be one of these two?
I am so attached to feeling that I am such a wonderful and good person and so should never have suffered the life that I lived. That is arrogance. Where did I develop such arrogance? Where did I get these ideas from? Why am I so sure that I should not be beaten with shoes and sticks and stones in this life? Why am I so sure that I couldn't have been Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini or any one of these in my last life?
I sit around blaming others rather than sucking it up. I am just that shameless.