Saturday, February 25, 2012

Pointing the needle of my heart out

There are a lot of things that I want to get out of me. But I don't know how to. Someone might say, "Just say it." And I would answer, "Ha ha, easy for you to say." I have such a hard time just expressing myself directly. Perhaps I am bracing myself because I don't feel the world is ready for the force of my directness and self-righteousness in what I want to say. I feel very apologetic because I don't want to offend anyone by my self-righteousness and adamance.

The world is so sensitive. I am not. The world has many hangups. I do not. I want to call the world out for what I see. The hypocrisy and self-delusion of the world makes me laugh. (Does that make me arrogant for expressing that? Why do I fear being arrogant?)

It makes me uncomfortable to live in the world. I don't want to be lost like many that I see in the world. Maybe they are happy as they are. Maybe. But I choose to be me. I want to maintain my perspective. Perhaps that is why I write. Writing is my way of assuring myself that my perspective and point of view will not be lost. It is a perspective that I find very valuable. I don't want to lose it. And I also feel that many others might find value in it as well. Presumptuous, I know.

I know I am trying to find my own voice in writing in this way.

As I write all of this, I can feel my heart change. It feels good. I feel like by doing all of this writing I am slowly extroverting.  The compass of my heart has changed from introversion to extroversion.

It feels so odd to feel the needle of my intention at the tip of my heart change from introversion to extroversion. I haven't heard anyone express it as such. This gives me lovely ego points. Yay!

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