Thursday, February 23, 2012

Functioning differently and yet living interdependently

The language that I use to understand my inner world is different from language that others use to describe their inner world. This program looked very hopeful to me. I was hoping that that it would help me bridge the gap between the language that I use to describe my inner realm and the language that others use. I feel a disconnect between the language that I use to relate to the world around me and the language that others use.
My processes seem to function differently. I use a certain vocabulary to understand my inner realm. I don't hear other people use the same words to describe their inner world.

I use certain methods to tweak my inner processes. I use processes like 'extending my web' or 'closing my web.' I don't think these things have a lot of meaning to other people. I would like to understand what this means in other people's vocabulary.

It feels lonely to function in a way that is different from how other people function. Society is about making contracts and keeping them. It is about setting expectations and living up to them. When there is a big disconnect between how you function and how you see the people around you function, it is hard to coordinate your actions with them. It is very difficult to live interdependently. Heck, it is hard to set expectations with yourself and live up to it.

I get frustrated with how differently I function than other people around me. But I am learning not to react to it. I am learning to neither crave nor to be averse to how I function. It is very difficult for me.

I'm sure everybody has their own challenges in functioning as themself. We are all locked in our inner realm and have no idea how people do the things that we take for granted. 

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