Monday, January 9, 2012

How to control the 'Nepali Bandhar' problem?

The citizens of Nepal are the parent. And the political parties are the children. The political parties thrive or survive based on the culture established by the parents. If the political parties are misbehaving, it is because we, the parents have given them the wrong message about what is OK or not OK in how they behave in public.
We, the parents, are responsible for how our children are representing us in public. The people who do Bandhs against the national interest should be called 'Bandhars' for their reckless behavior.
So what I say is that the parents--the united citizens of Nepal, need to respond correctly to their children--the misbehaving political parties.

Let's pick up some good parenting tips. First thing we need to understand is why do these Bandhars do what they do? What is the reward that they are getting for their misbehavior?

Goals Of Misbehavior
Dinkmeyer, McKay, & Dinkmeyer have provided a summary table describing the goals of misbehavior. The table includes a statement of what the child is thinking or believing, how the adult responds, and some guidelines to help the teacher change the child's resulting behavior.

Goals of misbehavior

What child is thinking

How adult feels and reacts

Child's response to adult's action

Some corrective guidelines
Attention  I count only when I am being noticed or served.  Annoyed; wants to  remind, coax.  Temporarily  stops disturbing action when  given attention but soon continues;
-may begin new behavior to gain attention.
 Ignore when possible; give attention in unexpected ways;
-give attention for positive behavior; never give attention on demand.
Power  I count only when I am dominating, when you do what I want you to do, when I can do whatever I want.  Provoked,angry; generally wants power; -challenged; "l'll make him/her do it";  "You can't get  away with it."  Intensifies action when reprimanded; 
-child wants to win, be boss:  defiance.
 Withdraw from conflict; act, rather than talk; 
-be friendly.Establish equality; 
-redirect child's efforts into constructive channels.
Revenge  I can't be liked;I don't have power but l'll count if I can hurt others as I feel hurt by life.  Hurt; "How can he/she do this to me?";  -retaliates, tries to get  even.  Wants to get even;  -makes self disliked.  -Seeks further revenge.  Maintain order with minimum  restraint;  -avoid retaliation or punishment.
-Take time and  effort to help  child. 
-Build trusting relationship.
Display of inadequacy   I can't do anything right so I won't  try   to do anything at all; I am no good  Despair, hopeless, discouraged; "I give up."   No reprimand therefore no reaction; 
-feels there is no use to try; 
-passive; no improvement
 Encourage any positive effort;
-faith in a child's ability;
-don't give up, pity or criticize.
-Be patient.

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