Wednesday, February 1, 2012

How to be a Nepali parent that causes suicide

Dear Nepali Parent,

There are qualities that you can exercise long before you become a parent that will ensure that your child commits suicide before they are 30.
  • Be arrogant. Extremely arrogant. Use anger and viciousness alternatively to avoid facts of reality that could awaken your conscience.
  • Be a know-it-all and never feel that anyone can teach you anything about parenting. Never feel like you need to talk to and listen to your child.
  • Refuse to reason in general, and especially on decisions that involve the long term welfare of your child
  • Remain completely unaware of your self. This will free you from having to worry about your conscience. The conscience is a wicked thing. But it can be silenced. The beautiful thing about silencing your conscience enough times is that after a while you won't hear it's whining. 
  • Find confidence and meaning only from your wealth and status. Be secure that the only thing to separate you from your wealth and status are the cold hand's of death. Pro-actively see conspiracies against your wealth and status everywhere. Be convinced that this the only thing the world, including your children, are after. Know for sure that you are not worthy of love or respect if you didn't have your wealth and status.
There are forces at work determined to make you go lenient on your mission of causing your child's suicide. Be pro-active and strike them before they try to influence you. Remember: you're tough, you're strong and you're right. Watching TV is a lot more important than knowing the internal struggles your teenager might be going through. Let no-one tell you differently.

Remember, your children are like Pavlov's dogs. Practice bait and switch continuously. Promise love and withhold it when they expect it the most. When they come to talk to you about their day, bury your head in a magazine and avoid talking to them. This is most effective especially if they need to talk to you about things like advice or guidance for career or education.

Your mission will be greatly helped if the society you live in, it's norms ensure that the parent is all-worshippable and can do no harm, no matter what they do. Use your position of power and authority to your advantage. Be the loudest voice in a screaming match. Intimidate and demand to be respected using your power and authority, height or strength. Whatever it takes.

Find a support group. If there isn't a support group near you, create one. Network, network, network. Use your support system of parents on the same mission as you to find strength. This will give you a lot of peace of mind.

Create chaos in friends and enemies so that your children are always questioning and never sure which is which in a given month. Then switch it around. Ensure triumphant confusion.

I have outlined many different things you should do. Remember, that none of these efforts, no matter how small, will not go in vain. Every one of your small efforts towards you trying to ensure that your child commits suicide before they are 30 is like a tiny seed. Each seed will grow a creeper. All these creepers growing simultaneously will grow and choke your child's sense of options.
If you keep working hard, despair is sure to ensure. Your efforts will eventually be rewarded. Always feel like your day of triumphant glory is nearby. This will give you the motivation you need.

For suicide, your child needs to feel weak and hopeless. Test your child regularly to see if they are coming closer to committing suicide. If they are not, strike their foundation some more. Don't display any external frustration. On the outside, keep smiling and acting like you care about them. The more they don't catch on to your true intentions, the more you can act on them, unnoticed. And when they are not paying any attention to see what you are doing, work to crumble their self-esteem, self-worth, their sense of dignity, their ability to stand proud and tall.

If you have money, use that to your advantage. You can use your money in many different ways to bring your child to the brink of suicide. Be creative. One thing you can do is put your children in boarding schools far away from home and never go to visit them. This way your child will not have a sense of home, normality society or any of those qualities that they might need to be a healthy adult. If you can send them to foreign boarding schools so that they learn nothing about their cultural identity or roots, it is even better.
Test the people that you are leaving your children with. Make sure that they are the kind of people that after leaving your children with for a few years with them, you can make fun of your children for becoming like them. Make sure that these people that are teaching your children know nothing about the kind of things that your child needs to be a healthy adult. Tell your children to worship these freaks of nature. And then, turn around and join other people in making fun of your children for worshiping these freaks of nature. This will leave your child feeling bitter and confused. And though those emotions are necessary for suicidal feelings to arise, they are not sufficient. You, dear parent, need to build on those emotions.

Try to repeat some mantras over and over in your head to keep your resolve strong. Remember, you wish your children never had never been born. You have always seen your child as a burden that you wish you could have freed yourself from. Deep down you always wished your child would die so that you could go and do what you really wanted to do.
When they are not paying any attention to you, regularly look into their face and silently within yourself say, "Why don't you go kill yourself, at least I will have the satisfaction of saying you're dead."

Always cite excuses of your work and career so that you avoid going to your child's school functions or knowing about your child's hobbies. You know that you need money a lot more than you need your children. Remind yourself that position and power can give you things in Nepali society that your children can never give you.

Tell yourself that if you have position, power and money then you will get the love and respect of your spouse and children, not otherwise.

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